Smith and Wesson: The Ultimate Feminine Protection.
Men don't want to know what's on TV... they want to know
what *else* is on TV!
Save energy: Be apathetic.
If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they
send them all?
Look alive! Here comes a buzzard...
What's the difference between a duck? One leg is both
the same.
When life hands you a lemon, reach for the tequila
and salt.
Picture a chicken and an egg, lying side-by-side in bed,
each smoking a cigarette. Who came first?
Age is a high price to pay for maturity...
Every man should get married some time; after all,
happiness is not the only thing in life!
It's not true that married men live longer than single
men. It only seems longer.
1 tequila...2 tequila...3 tequila... floor !
One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole
day.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
What are you doing?!? The message is over.
Go AWAY!
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
If thine enemy offend thee, giveth his child a drum.
I've got a mind like a....a....what do you call those
things?
Wherever ya go, there ya are.
Cut my pizza into 6 slices please; I can't eat 8.
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Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
My family coat of arms ties in the back... Is that normal?
Do not disturb. I'm disturbed enough already.
California has its faults.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
I did *not* escape from the institution. They
gave me the day off!
I feel more like I do now than I did when I came in.
No use being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
My cow died... I don't need your bull!
Has anyone found my marbles?
Puritanism: that haunting fear that someone, somewhere, might be
happy.
Have you seen my mind? It's been wandering again.
Many people who have the gift of gab don't know how to wrap
it up...
For ecology's sake, I will gladly recycle any disposable
income you have.
Dime: A dollar with all the taxes taken out.
Hasta la Visa: When your credit card gets repossesed.
Do I get a T-shirt or a "stupid" pin?
Lawyer: The larval form of politician
Never argue with a fool. People might not be able to
tell the difference between the two of you.
It's 2:00 a.m. Do you know where you are?
Rationalization is rampant these days.
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The boss said "Leave an emergency number for while
you're on vacation." So I wrote "9-1-1"
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age
shows up alone.
Actual name of a boat: Habeas Porpoise. <owned by two
lawyers>
"Ok, Scotty, very funny, now beam up my
clothes."
Hell is kept warm with profane burners.
Confucious say: "Woman who spring on inner spring this
spring have offspring next spring."
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