Finally, the enraged scientist in charge of the project pushed him out of
a window, and the clone fell to his death. Since he wasn't an actual
human, the legal system couldn't figure out how the scientist should be
charged.
They finally charged him with making an obscene clone fall.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A maharajah from India once forbid the killing of all wild animals...
Soon the kingdom was over run by lions and tigers and panthers... The
people grew tired of this and revolted against their king, throwing him
out...
It was the first instance of a reign ever being called because of game...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they could not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to
ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop.
Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it, too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It's better to have loved a short person and lost, than never to have
loved a tall.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why ?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because,"
he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahans Home
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would
always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was
dismayed to find that he was out of hazlenut extract. Thinking quickly, he
threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.
The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and
exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri !"
"No, I'm sorry", replied the bartender, "it's a hickory
daiquiri, doc."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A hungry African lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something
to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading
a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows readers digest and writers cramp.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahans Home
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a
teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with
me ?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two
tents."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for
you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating ?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago
my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious..
Hollandaise sauce."
"I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast,
fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly
corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate,
this time use chrome."
"Why chrome ?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for
the Hollandaise !"
