Beer! It's not just for breakfast anymore!
Everything I need to know I learned in sniper
school!
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes
and sue you!
Will build thermonuclear devices for food!
Allow me to introduce myselves!
Quit honking. I'm reloading!
I'm not crazy. I've just been in a bad mood for 30
years!
Someday we'll all look back on all this and plow into a
parked car!
If you lived in your car, you'd be home now!
Boldly going nowhere!
Plan to be spontaneous!
Smith and Wesson: The Ultimate Feminine Protection
I'm not wasting time ... I'm preserving it for future
generations.
Being crazy is the only thing that keeps me sane!
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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Come to Wisconsin and smell our dairy air!
Lost my map of Dictionopolis and I'm having the darndest
time navigating!
My *other* car is tailgating YOU!
I brake for just about anything!
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
Density = a metropolis for Cub Scouts.
My kid is Inmate of the Month at the State Corrections
Institute!
Pass with care, I chew tobacco!
Time Travel Express: when it absolutely has to be there before
you mailed it!
Taste religion, lick a witch!
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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Don't blame me, I voted for Buffett!
My Goddess gave birth to your God.
I have PMS and a gun - any questions..?
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Thank you for NOT being perky.
Save the whales - collect a whole set.
Jesus is coming - everyone look busy.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Joan of Arc is alive and medium well.
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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Drive closer - Automatic air bag tester.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
Honk - if you love peace and quiet.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
Seen it all, done it all - can't remember most of it.
How much higher would the ocean be without sponges?
Help Wanted - Telepath; You know where to apply.
I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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We are Microsoft, resistance is Futile, You will be assimilated.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
IRS: We've got what it takes to get what you've got.
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
Hang up and drive.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
I said, "NO!" to drugs but they just wouldn't listen.
Eat beans, not beings.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Cancer cures smoking.
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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I'm pro-Life-jacket, and I boat.
The more things change, the more they remain insane.
Those who abandon their dreams will discourage yours.
I DARE to keep cops off donuts.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
I think you left the stove on.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Visualize Whirled Peas.
The hell with world peace. Visualize using your bloody turn signal.
My son is getting out for good behavior at Father Baker's
Reform School.
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.
I never worry when I get lost... I just change where I want
to go.
Got kleptomania ? Take something for it.
Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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Top of Page -
Off The Wall -
Callahan's Saloon
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Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,
then used against you.
Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so
popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.
Dear IRS:
I would like to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name
from your mailing list.
