La Belle Dame Sans Culottes

(After John Keats.) Read the original poem.

O, what can ail thee, macho man,
Alone and vainly swaggering;
The music's stopped, the disco's closed,
You ding-a-ling.

I met a lady at the bar.
We got to talking for a while.
Her hair was long, her skirt was short,
Her dancing wild.

As we salsa'ed in the crowd
I fell in love. She looked so fine.
And I observed beneath her dress
No panty line.

I took my little notebook out.
I asked "When can we meet again?"
But then she told me, "Sorry,
I'm a Lesbian."

Her girlfriend showed up on the floor
And said, "We'd like to be alone."
The two of them began to dance
And make sweet moan.

I trudged despondent to the bar
And told my buddies of my pain.
They cry'd, "La belle Dame sans culottes
Has struck again!"

And that is why I loiter here
Alone and vainly swaggering.
I'd go home but I feel like such
A ding-a-ling.

Peter PHDESMOND, October 28, 2000

Bright immediately posted a reply to Peter's poem:

Avec Merci!

O, Ding-a-ling man, don't despair!
Your swaggering was not in vain
T'was I who twirled with golden hair,
A Thespian!

When first I spied you at the bar,
Took measure of your gallant style,
My heart did long, my skirt pulled short,
My feets went wild!

As we salsa'ed I felt proud.
I searched your eyes for love's first sign.
Your eyes were wand'ring neath my dress
Sans panty line.

And when you took your notebook out
To set a place and time to sin,
I said, "My skies are starry!
I'll be your Thespian!"

My girlfriend helped me off the floor
Where I had sunk like ancient stone.
Reeling from our one sweet dance
Then left, alone.

She wiped mascara, caked like tar,
from round my eyes. And tears like rain.
Warned, "When you dance sans culottes,
Prepare for pain."

I'm thrilled that you have loitered here,
Alone and vainly swaggering.
Wanna salsa, waltz and such,
My ding-a-ling?