I hung about the bar and grilled
One and all who might have spilled
The where abouts of the punsters merry,
Hoping they had not turned to dairy.

But no hope or help did I spy
No friendly faces wandered by
No metaphor, no silly joke
Just me. Just me, and rum and coke.

I shudder to think of my erstwhile chums
Sucking down milk and cookie crumbs.
Lactose intolerance may save us still!
Another round, Barkeep! On my bill!

-- Beith, the woebegone, June, 1999